Sebastian

Children are fascinated by Sebastian.

A girl at Sofia's school pointed to it and tried to grab it. I told her that it was a boo boo and not to touch. So now whenever she sees me she says "Boo Boo!" and points to me. Sofia now calls me BooBoo.

Yesterday Sofia full on grabbed Sebastian and yanked. Chris then yelped and said I could have a blood clot. Now I'm afraid it's dislodged and I'm going to die of a pulmonary embolism.

I keep thinking I would like to keep him forever. I can't imagine being deported.

Cancer is Expensive!

Ok, so I went to the wig shop today and put a down payment on a wig. They need to have some financing incentives!

Contents Under Pressure

I am trying to be optimistic and upbeat.

However, I have to admit, I hurt. I guess it's pressure from the mediastinal mass. My ribs, my neck, my back, my shoulder. All of this has been hurting for months. It's different from the pain from that stupid truck that rearended me in October. I feel like a lasagna of pain!

Sofia was not feeling well last night and went I got home from the planning board meeting she puked her dinner on me. Ham and cheese omlet.

I got her in the bath and rocked her to sleep. Then I thought how I really don't feel well, and really I took advatage of my stamina to hold her all night when she is sick.

Flip Floppin'

Whenever I wear these shoes I trip all over the place. So, brilliantly, I decided to wear them to my Monday NYC MSK trek. I was walking slowly and Hubby kept asking if I was ok, because I refused to cross the street before the walk sign blinked.

I explained that I was walking cautiously because I fall over in these shoes.

He promptly called me Agador Spartacus! I so love that he is Republican and can make references to The Birdcage!

Pause

I feel like cancer has put my life on pause.

I will admit that I was disappointed that my treatment has been postponed a week. However, a new Angela emerged. I was patient and calm and did not mind the mix up.

Who is this person?

I did have a day of testing instead and I feel better informed about Stanford V.

Random Deep Thoughts by Angie-Rubberbangie

First, MSK totally rocks for having free wifi. Especially since I forgot to charge my blackberry.

If you're going to have a bone marrow biopsy, totally wear funky leopard underwear and then forget your are wearing them. Then during the procedure you'll wonder the whole time what underwear you're wearing and totally forget the fact that someone is stabbing you in the ass.

Lack of sleep and my husband's driving totally make me nauseous. So, when I say the chemo made me sick, remind me that it was truly Sofia teething and a certain Jersey driver.

It is perfectly acceptable to get an $80 pedicure. You don't need to be on chemo. Treat yourself right.

I plan to dress like a slutty drag queen at my I beat cancer party.

Despite the fact that I am an elected official of the Republican party, I plan to continue to drop F bombs on this site and dress like a slutty drag queen.

I really did think that the lymphatic message and seaweed wrap would cure Ursula. FYI shoving seaweed up your ass does not cure cancer.

Yesterday I gave up red meat.

I told my mom that I was contemplating becoming a lacto-ovo vegetarian during treatment. She brought over an amish farmer, a chicken and a cow!

Makeover

On Thursday I ambushed Angelica of Bella Capelli to help me do my chemo hair transition. She penciled me in for Friday and here is her creation. This is her interpretation of Paris Hilton's bob, and I absolutely love it. I commented while she was washing my hair that I wanted her body too. Angelica commented that she would rather have her money. I agreed. Give me the dough and then I'll buy that body!

I would have never got my hair cut like this if I wasn't facing imminent follicular doom. However, I may just wear it like this when my hair grows back. My only sadness is that I may only have this fab cut for a few weeks. Why is beauty so fleeting?

Continuing my weekend o' beauty was a really expensive seaweed pedicure at Simply Skin. I thought I would regret spending so much money; however, it was pure bliss and my callouses have been eradicated! A fete for all mankind...

Memory

I often frustrate my husband and my boss because I can't remember anything.

So I suffered from pregnancy brain, now baby brain, and I hear that I will also be contracting chemo brain.

I just hope I remember to put my pants on before I go out the door. Can you imagine all those nightmares about going to school naked coming true?

Props to Heidi

Heidi is the owner of Solstice Tanning in Toms River, NJ.

She does custom blended spray tanning, which I love!

Heidi sprayed me for a Kentucky Derby party, and I subsequently developed a rash on my hands and my feet. I convinced myself that Judge Hoffmann sentenced me to poison ivy. I was mad at Judge Hoffman.

However, the next time I got sprayed, for my big disaster Bermuda cruise, I had a rash again on my hands and feet. So, I felt guilty for being a Hoffmann hater and depressed that my spray tanning was over.

However, now I believe that my rashes are the Hodgkin's itch! I have a head to toe rash, and I freaking itch all over.

Today I popped in to see Heidi and she did a test spray on my thigh. If my theory is correct I will be one tanned, glowing cancer hottie!

Virtual Makeover

So I am toying what to do with the hair sitch-e-ation.

Hubby suggested that many people find it empowering to shave the head right away. So NOT happening here.

I decided to get my hair cut shorter and then I will do the wig thang.

This is my ideal wig:



or this:



I am considering this as an interim cut:



before I go to this:



and I am SO getting overpriced extensions to look like this when it's all over!

Archive

I received a private message on The Bump from a woman asking me how I was diagnosed. I figured I would save a copy here in case anyone else asks and I don't have to type all this crap again:

On May 25th I felt a lymph node above my collarbone during a public meeting. Can you imagine, I was sitting up there looking at the audience and felt a lump.

I had just taken antibiotics and I didn't finish them, so I thought that might be why. I went to the doctor and she gave me 2 more rounds of antibiotics. It never went away.

I was scheduled for a thyroid ultrasound, because I have thyroid nodules. I wrote on the presription "and neck mass" because I wanted it looked at and I didn't want to deal with getting another script.

The US report came back that the node should be biposied. So, I make an appointment with my Endocrinologist, but couldn't get in until July 12th. On Monday, June 21st I called my daughter's ENT group and they saw me that day and scheduled me for a biopsy under ultrasound. The biopsy was scheduled for June 28th. The ENT put down I was to have a FNA (fine needle biposy) and they couldn't do that on the node because it was too hard. They ended up doing a core biopsy on the node.

I was scheduled to get the results on July 5th. However, I didn't want to wait that long and had the results sent to my regular doctor. The hospital only send the FNA results and not the core results. I didn't realize. These results were negative.

I saw the ENT on July 5th and she said everything was benign. I found out later it was not benign. The core biopsy results showed classical Hodgkin's Lymphoma. I was scheduled for surgery to remove the node for July 13th. I asked for a chest xray at the advice of my husband and friend who is a doctor. I had the chest xray on July 7th. On July 7th my ENT got the chest xray results. On July 8th I saw the ENT for my pre-operative visit. She did not mention the chest xray. On July 9th my regular doctor called me about the chest xray and said I had to come immediately.

I went in and she told me she was sending me for an emergency chest CT, because I had an 8cm chest mass. I had that test. The tech was very nice, said it was probably a shadow. However, his demenor after the test let me know it wasn't a shadow. Before I got the CT I left a message for the ENT, stating that I was going for an emergency CT and wanted to know if I should go for additional testing. While I was in for the CT the ENT's office left me a message, stating that I should't bother with the CT and just go forward with the surgery.

After the CT I called my husband. I then went to his office to talk about everything. Initially we planned to go to the Univeristy of Pennsylvania emergency room. Then he spoke with a doctor's office there and they said to send everything over and they would call me Monday. Later in the day he spoke with another oncologist at Memorial Sloan Kettering in New York. They also said to fax the documents and they would call me Monday. At 5 pm on that day they called me back and asked me to come Tuesday that week for testing and Wednesday for more testing and then to see the doctor.

I asked about the surgery. They said absolutely not, they had enough for a diagnosis. That's when it hit me.

So on July 13th I had a PET scan and on July 14th I had an echocardiogram and a pulmonary test. Later that day I had my appointment with the doctor. I was with the doctors for several hours. The first doctor came in, Dr. Stein and I initially thought that I was ok and that's why the big wig didn't come in. He asked me lots of questions about my symptoms. I explained to him everything. He asked me if anyone told me what I had. I said no, but I think I have Hodgkin's lymphoma.

Dr. Stein said ok, and left the room. He then came back in with Dr. Noy and she told me that I have Hodgkin's lymphoma. Dr. Noy looked at me and then said she was running behind and had to go across the hall for a bone marrow biopsy. I said OK, not realizing the bone marrow biopsy was for me.

Then we went back and spoke for over an hour about the prognosis, the treatment and the complications with infertility. I decided to do a Stanford V regimin of chemotherapy and radiation.

The next day I had to go for an abdominal and pelvic CT for staging.

On July 19th I had a power port inserted for the chemo. I start chemo on Monday the 26th. I will have 12 weeks of chemo and the 30 days of radiation.

I am going to work as long as I can. My office is being flexible at this point. Right now I am just taking off on Mondays for the chemo.

Sofia rolled over, snuggled her butt into my chest and farted. I think I found the cure for cancer!

My Spoils

Numbers

I wonder if all cancer patients try to find meaning and connections during their time of illness.

June 14th was a bad day. Then a month later, July 14th, I was diagnosed with cancer. Now I am seriously focusing on my cousin having her love bundle on August 14th to break the chain of disaster.


Dear Love Bundle,
You will bring great joy to your parents if you make your appearance, however, I will spoil the sh*t out of you if you come a day early on August 14th.
Love,
Cousin Angie

I had Sebastian installed on July 19th, the 16th anniversary of my father's death, so I find it a symbolic death of cancer. Sofia was born on June 19th, so is it a rebirth of myself?

I guess when you think about it logically, at a maximum, there are 31 days in a month. So, dates are bound to coincide.

However, what the fuck is logical about cancer?

Tomorrow there is no going back. Sebastian is inserted and I start the road to recovery. I feel like crap. I have a fever.

Cancer Card

On Friday I was duly permitted to become a card carrying member of the Cancer Card Club by a lovely Deputy Attorney General. I, in fact, had utilized this power earlier in the morning when I arrived at Chancery. I had to carry a large box of binders and decidedly illegally parked in front of the Court. I opened the door and announced to the sheriff, "Can I leave this here, I have cancer." He said, "Yes." However, my plans were foiled when my sister-in-law popped her head out (we're on the same case) and I burst out crying. Damn it!

So, I had the opportunity to utilize this new superpower twice yesterday.

Scene: Toms River 7th Annual Ice Cream Festival. Mom is having problems ripping her ticket off for her next sample...

Mom: I can't get the ticket off.
Me: Are you retarded?
Mom: Angela Marie, it's not perforated. You're mean.
Me: Leave me alone, I have cancer.

See, the effectiveness of this exchange is that I was able to thwart years of mother/daughter angst and drama from exploding on Washington Street.

Scene: Saturday night dinner. I purchased a lovely sugar free birthday cake (for no reason) from Stop and Shop.

Hubby: I am going to have some cake.
Me: Don't eat the flower.
Hubby: Why?
Me: I want it.
Hubby: That's not right, you don't want any cake.
Me: I want it later.
Hubby pouts.
Me: I have cancer.

Here the Cancer Card allowed me to preserve my future cake rights for gluttonous sugar free indulgence.

Go Deputy Attorney General!

So many offers of help. Anyone up for the midnight shift for a distressed teething Fifi?:s

Angiepedia

Lymphomaniac-individual with enlarged lymph node obsessed with web md, wikepedia, cancer forums, and harassing doctor friends in Center City for information to self diagnose

Lemon Meringue Pie-LyMPhoma

Ursula-right subclavicular enlarged lymphnode

Little Mermaid-super smart oncologist

Sebastian-Powerport

Pass the OJ

I am sitting an my Aunt's house, waiting for her to get home from work so that we can go to Manhattan to get my Pet Scan before the big visit at Sloan Kettering tomorrow.

My Aunt played my films on her computer. It was kinda cool to look at the slices of my body from the cat scan and see this giant orange appear on the screen. Jen-nay asked me if it's juicy...

When I called her to go with me, I didn't realize that she had to work the overnight shift. I feel very loved.

I slept well last night for the first time in a long time, which is because I didn't have my little Fifi to wake me up. I miss her desperately.