I keep thinking about a "friend" who ripped off the theater...why? I am heartbroken. I miss the person I THOUGHT you were:(

Cancer at 33? Really should have smoked weed and wreaked more havoc!

October 24, 2010 4:21 a.m.

Dear God,

I can take the hair loss. Throughout this process I have been able to experience some really awesome hairstyles that I woud not have intentionally tried. Even now, I am dealing well with rocking the alien freak look.

I can deal with the nausea. I have pills for that, and I find that whining to my husband may not make it go away, however, making him miserable brings me a little pleasure.

I got through the mouth sores. Sure, it hurt to eat, but I managed to inhale an entire calzone, whose melty creamy loveliness soothed my mouth and caused me to gain 8 pounds.

Oh yeah. I can take the steroids. I have posted about the pleasures. Cooking and home renovation marathons. Inappropriate happiness.

I really don't mind the chemo brain, except for when I can't figure out how to get home. But I eventually make it home.

BUT, no one warned me about a little known side effect: VICARIOUS CEMO INDUCED ALOPECIA BASED VOMITING! This is when you go in your daughter's room at 3 a.m. to comfort her, and just as she is falling back asleep, she chokes on your HAIR that fell out due to chemo and blows chunks exorcist style.

BOO!

Love,
Angela

Feeling very disconnected. Not sure what that means.

Predinose Taper

Before I started chemo, my deepest fear was the 3 months of prednisone.

I was afraid of agitation, sleeplessness and weight gain.

I guess I felt agitated, but I channeled it into happiness. Inappropriate happiness, and I enjoyed every minute. Prednisone days are days when I won't shut the hell up. However, I found that I only like talking to people in person. I do not like email, telephone or facebooking. I get very tired when multitasking and talking on the phone drains me.

The sleeplessness has been managed with benadryl. When I am sleepy I sleep. When I am wakey I wake.I fell asleep in the chair with Sofia earlier today. Chris woke me up at 9:30, so now I am up for several hours. Usually until midnight. I never sleep well the day before chemo.

I managed to maintain my weight during the treatments. I am hoping to try and lost 10 lbs when I am done. I have two more weeks of treatments and the carb cravings from the prednisone have been unbearable. After that losing battle with a calzone, I have really stuck to my guns. Although I shall confess I am eating leftover ziti from a dear friend that is really making me happy right now. Not something I normally do, but she used Barilla plus for me and its so yummo.

I have a bit of confusion in the brain from the chemo and I have problems with short term memory.

Now that I have embraced the roids, I was starting to fear the taper.

I just researched the tapering of prednisone and my taper is a few weeks long, so I am not scared. I am looking forward to uninterrupted sleep.

Needs

These are the shoes I wore to the scarf party

I need a pair of red shoes! It's next on my list.

I really love these impractical shoes:

Pukey and tired

Hair Story in Pictures

Before (on Honeymoon)



Luxurious Pregnancy Hair




Initial Chemo Cut



Second Chemo Cut

Scarf




Wig

I met with the radilogy oncologist @ CMC today. I brought someone with me, which was very helpful. I got lost driving home today from a meeting.

Productive steroid day! Hung up new blinds in bedroom and one of two sconces! Xoxo prednisone

So pukey!

Higher Power

My higher power is Super Higher Power Spanx, thank you very much. Two people asked me if I lost weight yesterday. NOPE. Spanx!

I love you Sara Blakely!

I would also live to RAVE about Bobbi Brown's gel eyeliner and cream eye shadow! This shiz-nit lasts all day!

I would also like to give a suggestion that MSK offer an air brush spray tan option after each chemo treatment.

I just ordered a sample of scalp makeup to hide the baldness. Statistically I still have more hair than most of the attorneys in my office, which isn't saying much about me or Lidia Bastianich.

Exhausted and anxious.

I have tried really hard to not let cancer limit me. However, this was a bad week. Week 3 of each cycle is the worst, maybe because of the oral etoposide on Tuesday after treatment.

I had a horrible Monday. The lab was slow. Chemo was delayed. Then the fight with Horizon, who did not want to approve my oral etoposide for Tuesday, despite it being on their formulary. Yeah. Filed a 110 page complaint with the Department of Banking and Insurance.

Wednesday I felt horrible. Thursday I stayed home from work. My new haircut is channeling Lidia Bastianich.

I am getting tired.