Sofia sang for the first time today, she sang the Caillou song. She was in perfect pitch. I am happy that my horrible singing has not rubbed off on her.

I think of all these brillian things to write, but then the thoughts fade. I have to start texting these nuggets of wisdom.

Yesterday I made the best dinner. Low carb blueberry pancakes, jicama homefries and vegetarian sausage. Yummy!

I believe that Sofia now has more hair than me. She taught me bald is beautiful.

I am wearing my wig today. I feel a little like a drag queen, except I'm missing those extra bits LOL.

Usually I get up and feed Sofia, get her dressed, converse in bizarro baby talk and then when Chris takes her to Goddard I go back to sleep until I naturally wake up. Today I didn't feel like sleeping and now at 10:30 I am paying the price!

I am EXHAUSTED!

In the honor of Dr. Noy, I am wearing an evening gown to work. LOL.

I am trying to figure out how to handle the upcoming radiation. Six weeks of radiation, possibly really far from home. If I stay somewhere close to there, I am so taking Sofia with me. I cannot bear to be apart from her.

Bald is...

So I woke up at 3 am in a coughing fit. A rogue hair went down my throat and it was making me gag.

I decided to wash my hair today, Yeah. Not much left now.

So I donned a scarf today and didn't feel self conscious. I almost wore my wig, but it feels phoney. I might just save the wig for when I glam it up at the mayor's ball next week.

So the tumor in my chest is completely gone. I am not sure if I posted that yet on here. It seems kinda surreal.

I want to scan in the photos of the xray, but our scanner at work isn't that great for photos.

I can sure as heck see why I had major chest pain.

I woke up with a pounding headache. I think it was allergies. Sofia is not sleeping well at all, and I feel like I'm no help. I just can't do it.

My brain is in a fog. I cannot concentrate and I forget everything. It's starting to get to me a little bit today. I think I need to sleep.

I don't want to give in to the need right now. I want to wait it out. Be a trooper and finish the work day. 1 hour 15 minutes to go.

I can do this...

The tumor in my chest is gone after 4 chemo treatments. I am going to try and scan in the results. I have lost 12 lbs of the 8 that I gain, so I am net negative 4 lbs. I would like to lose 7 more pounds and keep it off. I would be ecstatic to lost 17, but whenever I am that low I am not eating at all.

My hair is falling out hardcore.

I think I should schedule a back massage!

Diet Time

So I went crazy over the weekend and gained 8 lbs since Friday! So, I vow to watch the carbs. I ate a calzone over 2 days and a loaf of my famous sugar free banana bread. Yeah AND rice a roni over a friends house... which I have not consumed in years. So I have been ordered to lose the weight and I have a deal with my husband if I meet a goal....which only allows one cheat day on thanksgiving, when I plan to consume a ton of stuffing. Isoldmy soul for appliances.

I have, however, managed to poop 4 lbs today since I got home from MSK...

So, 4 lbs to go and I would like to lose another 10 after that.

Chemonesia

So today I was really tired and full of inappropriate happiness. Its like being punch drunk.

So, I drank an extra large coffee on my way to a board meeting. I offer to do the roll call and forgot peoples names. Then during another roll call I said my name and waited for myself to answer, and I forgot to answer. It really was idiotic. But the financials managed to pass the motion anyway and somehow I agreed to send two really awful legalesque letters.

I am craving a good vegetarian lasagna. Anyone know where I can get some or willing to make it for me? It seems like one of those things that will taste better if someone else makes it.

Chemo Beauty Tip

For glowing faux healthy skin, I completely recommend NARS The Multiple in Orgasm. I used something similiar from Estee Lauder that was discontinued. It took me 2 years to find a replacement and this product is even better. Before I got pregnant with Sofia, everyone kept asking me if I was pregnant, because I had that glow. When I was pregnant I felt like a goddess and now I appear to be one healthy looking cancer patient. Also, its really fun to tell people that your skin is glowing because of multiple orgasm!


If you get a really awesome textured short hair cut to psyche yourself into thinking you're keeping ahead of the hairloss, you MUST purchase Short Sexy Hair wax. This stuff is amazing. I am so coming back as a dude so I can permanently rock short hair. I like this cut so much, I am sad its going to fall out and I actually don't like my wig right now.

Word of the Day

Farkough-Simultaneous fart and cough by my beloved Sofia. Very entertaining for the whole family at 5 am when trying to get out the door to Sloan Kettering.

And if you say it really fast pre-Dunkin it sounds like Fuck Off.

Ode to Prednisone

Prednisone has many side effects. I am definitely experiencing the weight gain, in my midsection, of course. I have gained 2 lbs and its right in the middle of my body.

I have my moments of restlessness, which has included marathon cooking sessions, walking laps around the office, and a weird compulsion to purchase rollerskates and skate around Forked River. I like the energy burst and try to take advantage of them whenever I can.

I also have this weird compulsion to dance a jig. Its hard to describe. I will have to You Tube myself doing it. My secretary has had the unfortunate pleasure of watching my jig.

My all time favorite side effect is INAPPROPRIATE HAPPINESS. Hell, if you're going to have any side effect when you have cancer, this is the one to have and I LIKE IT A LOT!

Crunchy Mama

So, cancer has been the catalyst for some life changes that I have been contemplating for a while, but didn't have the motivation to implement.

I have further restricted my diet and now identify myself as a low carb pescetarian. Meat has turned me off for a while and I am enjoying the change. I still need to incorporate more vegetables into my diet, but it's coming along. The other day I made my own sugar free granola. I haven't done that in a while.

I went to yoga last night which was relaxing and amazing and I hope to continue going for the rest of my life. For now, just Thursdays on Water Street in Toms River. As predicted I spent 1/2 of the class fearful that I would fart and the other half I thought about the blog entry when I farted in yoga class.

I am going today to pick up my wig and get another haircut. I have started shedding hardcore.

Procrastination

I should be working a new appellate brief. So, figured I would blog instead.

My hair started to fall out this weekend, more yesterday, and quite a few strands in the shower this morning. It's actually comforting. It means the meds are working.

Sofia is mended and full of belly laughs again. However, not sleeping. I think me being out of the house seriously traumatized her. I think the lack of sleep is separation anxiety. I hope I never have to be apart from her again.